One day at the park, 5 years old Maya, noticed a younger boy sitting alone on a bench, tears rolling down his cheeks. Without hesitation, Maya walked over and asked the boy what was wrong. “I…I can’t find my mommy,” he hiccupped through his sobs. Instantly, Maya could imagine how scared and alone he must feel. She thought about how her own mother’s hugs always made her feel safer. Putting her small arm around the boy’s shoulders, Maya said, “Don’t worry, we’ll find your mommy together. Everything will be okay.”

We all want to raise kind, caring, and compassionate children. One of the most important skills we can teach our kids is empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. Empathy helps children build strong relationships, connect with others on a deeper level, and create a kinder world around them.

Empathy Definition for Kids – When do Children Develop Empathy

So what exactly is empathy? In simple terms, it means being able to “feel” what someone else is feeling. It’s about putting yourself in their shoes and seeing things from their perspective. For example, when a kid can’t find his mom or when a friend falls down and gets hurt on the playground, empathy means you can imagine how scared or sad they might feel. An empathy definition for kids is having the ability to share and understand the emotions others are experiencing.

In children, empathetic responses are when a two-year-old child follows with concern a peer of the same age who dropped an apple in the sand and bursts into tears, and may even bring the apple to his mother and say: “Water”. Or when a child talks to his grandmother on the phone, hears tension in her voice and asks: “Grandma, what happened to you?”.

Empathy is the basis for social adaptation and hence its importance. Children with good empathetic ability will be better able to adapt to various social situations. They will understand, for example, their friend’s jealousy that causes him to disrupt their game and will take effective strategies to neutralize the disruption (invite him to join them in the game, for example).

Such children will also more easily accept the arrival of a newborn into their family. Despite the negative feelings they may feel towards the baby and towards their parents (for example, frustration that they can no longer make noise like before because they have to consider the sleeping baby; jealousy that the baby “is in mom’s arms all the time”) – they will be able to understand the baby’s need for the mother’s holding or the sleeping baby’s need for quiet.

It is important to clarify, however, that children with good empathetic ability are not angels, and they may wake up their sleeping baby brother if they are just watching an exciting show on TV or horsing around with a friend.

Why Empathy Matters 

Empathy is like a magical superpower that helps us be better friends, siblings, and family members. It allows us to really listen, offer support when needed, and create meaningful connections. Kids with empathy tend to be more cooperative, resolving conflicts in healthier ways. Empathy also helps us appreciate how our own actions can impact those around us.

As empathetic people, we’re able to celebrate in others’ joys and provide comfort in their sorrows. Empathy makes the world a little brighter and kinder, one compassionate act at a time.

What makes it difficult for parents to educate their children to develop empathy?

Lack of modeling empathy themselves

Children learn best by observing the behavior of their parents and other adults around them. If parents do not consistently model empathetic responses and considering others’ perspectives, it makes it much harder for children to learn this skill.

Busy, distracted lifestyles

In today’s fast-paced world with work, activities, and technology vying for attention, it can be difficult for parents to slow down and be fully present to have empathy-building moments with their kids. Identifying and discussing others’ feelings requires quality time and undivided attention.

Over-prioritizing academics/achievements

If parents place too much emphasis on academics, sports performance, etc. at the expense of emotional skills like empathy, children may get the message that emotional intelligence doesn’t matter as much.

Their child’s personality/developmental stage

Some children may naturally struggle more with perceiving, understanding and sharing others’ emotions, especially at young ages before empathy becomes well-developed. Their temperament can make nurturing empathy more challenging.

Inconsistent reinforcement

Building real empathy takes consistent reinforcement over many years as children encounter new situations. If parents don’t seize teachable moments and provide reinforcement regularly, empathy skills may not fully develop.

Fear of raising an empathetic child who becomes a victim in society

Parents may hesitate to instill too much empathetic ability in their children out of fear that they will become victims of an insensitive and callous society that takes advantage of their kindness and good nature. Often parents encourage the child to respond aggressively to others, even to siblings at home, when provoked (“I’ll allow you to push them back, give them a little hit, if they pinch or hit you”). The child may interpret this permission not as self-defense, but as endorsement to disregard others’ distress and foster an indifferent attitude. Sometimes they may even become emotionally and behaviorally extreme, which can then be very difficult to undo later on. Parents worry that excessive empathy could make their child an easy target to be taken advantage of.

Identifying too much with the child’s pain and suffering

The great love parents have for their children leads them to identify with the children’s pain and suffering. But paradoxically, this is precisely why they struggle to be empathetic towards them. They try to quickly dismiss, without compassion, their children’s difficult emotions, both to ease the children’s burden and their own. For example, they might say to the child: “It doesn’t hurt at all! Why are you making a scene? Go to sleep and it will all go away!” Even if the problem seems resolved, the child is left alone with their difficult feelings. They don’t feel their parents are being empathetic towards them.

Parents’ turbulent emotions in stressful situations

If parents struggle to show empathy for their child’s distress in routine situations, it is all the more difficult for them to be empathetic when they themselves are angry, dissatisfied, anxious or worried. For instance, when a child refuses to turn off the TV and go to sleep despite the parent’s request, the parent feels hurt by the child’s disobedience. In those moments, it is hard for the hurt parent to understand the child’s difficulty in parting from the day’s stimuli or the child’s fears of the dark night.

Empathy Definition for Kids – the Talk

So how exactly goes this conversation with kids? Let’s try this:

“Hi Dan, I want to talk to you about Empathy. I know this word seems high, but actually empathy means being able to understand and feel how someone else is feeling. It’s like putting yourself in their shoes and imagining what they might be going through.

For example, if your friend falls down and hurts their knee, empathy is feeling sad for them because you can imagine how much it must hurt. Or if your little brother is crying because he lost his favorite toy, empathy is feeling his sadness as if you lost something special too.

Having empathy means you can share in other people’s emotions – feeling happy when they’re happy and feeling bad when they’re feeling bad or upset about something.

It’s like having a super power that lets you see how others are feeling inside. When you have empathy, you want to help make people feel better if they’re sad or hurting.”

You can use examples they can relate to, like a friend or sibling being upset, and explain how noticing their emotions and imagining how they feel shows empathy. Emphasize that it’s about caring for others and wanting to understand them. With patience and real-life examples, most kids can grasp the basic concept.

How To Teach Kids Empathy

So how can we nurture empathy in our children? Here are some suggestions:

To relate with empathy to the child’s difficulties

Responding empathetically to a child’s difficulties is key. Often, parents can get caught up in a lecturing or blaming approach when their kids reveal vulnerabilities. For example, when a two-and-a-half-year-old tells her mom, who’s in an advanced stage of pregnancy, “I won’t give any of my toys to the baby. I want to be your baby,” she’s expressing her fears of losing her place in the family. But parents might get frustrated with her, seeing her as selfish or uncaring, and respond without empathy: “You’re not a baby anymore. You’re big now and can give up some of your many toys.”

A better way to respond might be: “I get that feeling that you think that only the baby is really important right now. I’m sure that when the new baby arrives, we’ll all see that we all are getting along together”.

It’s crucial to note that showing understanding and empathy to a child doesn’t equate to yielding to their requests or neglecting to establish boundaries. You can acknowledge the child’s feelings while still maintaining rules. For instance, a parent could say, “I understand you’re craving for another ice cream after seeing one on TV, but you’ve already had one this afternoon, so you can’t have another one.”

Read Books About Emotions

Children’s books exploring different feelings and perspectives help practice empathy.

As you read together, periodically pause and ask questions that encourage your child to imagine how the characters are feeling and why.

For example, you could read a book about a character who moves to a new town and feels lonely. After reading, you can talk about how the character might feel and what they could do to help them feel better. This encourages kids to put themselves in someone else’s shoes and understand their emotions.

For instance, if reading a book like “The Rainbow Fish” by Marcus Pfister, you could pause and ask: “How do you think the little fish feels when the Rainbow Fish wouldn’t share his scales? Why might he feel that way?” This gets your child thinking about the lonely fish’s emotions and motivations.

Or in the book “When Sophie Gets Angry – Really, Really Angry” by Molly Bang, you could ask: “Why does Sophie get so angry? Have you ever felt those upset, mad feelings before? What kinds of things make you feel that way?”

Some other examples:

– In “The Giving Tree” ask how the tree likely feels as the boy takes more and more.

– In “The Invisible Boy” discuss how the main character probably feels invisible and left out.

– With “Those Shoes” explore how the boy feels about not having the popular shoes.

Pause at emotional moments and ask open-ended questions like “How do you think ___ is feeling here?” “Why might they feel _____?” “Have you ever felt that way before?” This helps kids identify emotions, consider motivations, and relate experiences to their own lives, building critical empathy muscles.

Point Out Emotions

Make an empathy definition for kids game of identifying emotions on people’s faces or in their actions when you’re out. “Her face looks frustrated. I wonder why she’s upset?”

When running errands, going to the park, or just walking around, make an “empathy game” of noticing emotions on people’s faces and bodies. Say things like:

“Look at that man over there – his eyebrows are furrowed and he’s frowning. His face looks frustrated. I wonder why he might be feeling upset?”

“Did you see how that little girl stomped her feet? She seemed really mad or angry about something. What do you think happened to make her so mad?”

“Oh no, that baby is crying so hard. His face is all scrunched up and red. He looks very sad or uncomfortable. How would you feel if you were that upset?”

You can extend it further by making inferences: “That dad looks exhausted – his shoulders are slumped and he has bags under his eyes. Maybe his baby kept him up all night!”

The idea is to narrate the emotions you see, name the feelings, and ponder the reasons out loud. You’re modeling empathy by considering the emotions and perspectives of others.

It becomes a habit of observing emotional cues and trying to imagine the feelings/situations behind them. It’s an easy game to naturally work empathy-building into everyday life.

Help the Child Understand the Plight Of Others

Small children find it difficult to recognize the plight of others based on suggestive signs, such as facial expressions or verbal expressions (as opposed to understanding clear signs such as crying, shouting, etc.). Parents can teach their children to recognize signs of distress in facial features, for example through pictures of faces expressing different emotions.

The parent can also draw the child’s attention to the suffering of the other, especially when it is not clear enough. They can ask the child: “How do you think Dana feels now, after you hit her?” or “I see that Dana is crying. She is probably in pain and maybe also hurt by you.” After that, the parent can clarify to the child what the expected behavior is in this situation: “It would be good for you to apologize to her. You can also tell her you’re sorry or gently pat her so she feels better.”

By pointing out the other child’s distress and emotions that may not be obvious to their own child, the parent is encouraging empathy and perspective-taking. They are making the child consciously consider how their actions affected the other person’s feelings. The parent then guides the child on how to make amends through apologizing, expressing remorse, and comforting actions – modeling an empathetic response. This kind of intervention helps ingrain the habit of considering others’ emotions and making efforts to understand their point of view.

Role-Playing -Imagine Being Them:

If your child is in conflict, have them pause to consider the other’s perspective. “How would you feel if someone took your toy?”   

Another cool way to foster empathy is through role-playing. You can act out different scenarios with your kids where they have to think about how someone else might feel or what they would do in a certain situation. Maybe you pretend to be a friend who is upset because they lost their favorite toy, and your kid has to figure out how to comfort them.

Teaching the Child Empathy-Promoting Values

Instilling empathy-promoting values like kindness, respect, and non-violence creates the foundation for empathy to take root in children. Without valuing others’ feelings and wellbeing, it’s difficult for genuine empathy to develop.

Parents can explicitly discuss and model these values through real-life situations. For example, if they witness a child being excluded at the park, the parent can:

• Point it out to their child and ask how they think the excluded child might be feeling.
• Allow the child to verbalize their perspective and reactions.
• Explain why excluding is hurtful and goes against values of kindness/inclusion.
• Suggest compassionate responses like inviting the child to play or checking if they’re okay.

This opens a dialogue about empathizing with others’ emotional experiences. The parent affirms the importance of considering others’ feelings and taking kind, inclusive action.

Consistently applying and discussing these values across situations sends a clear message that empathy matters. Children internalize that they should care about others’ experiences beyond just their own wants.

Training the Child in Empathy-Promoting Behaviors

Discussing and explaining empathy is important, but children also need opportunities to practice empathetic behaviors in real-life scenarios. Parents can be intentional about turning daily situations into empathy lessons:

• Waiting in line – Model patience, teach taking turns
• Sharing toys/food – Practice generosity by having child offer to others
• Greeting others – Encourage friendly hellos, smiles, waves
• Comforting friends – Demonstrate kindness when someone is hurt/sad
• Respecting personal space – Explain personal boundaries

Children learn how to comfort others from the way their parents comfort them, whether physically, with hugs and kisses, or verbally, with statements (“It will pass”) and questions (“Are you okay?”).

When a peer gets upset at the park, walk through checking on them, using a gentle tone, offering a hand. When you witness an act of compassion, point it out as a model.

The key is not just discussing empathy conceptually, but giving concrete examples and opportunities for children to apply those skills and have empathetic responses reinforced.

This allows children to build the habits and muscle memory of considering others’ perspectives and needs. What might seem small, like holding a door, becomes practice for empathetic awareness of those around them.

Empathy is both a value and a practice. The more real-world situations parents can leverage as empathy lessons, the more it will become automatic for children.

Praise Empathetic Actions

Praising and drawing attention to empathetic behavior when you see it is crucial. It reinforces the positive actions and helps solidify empathy as a valued behavior in your child’s mind. Some ways to effectively praise empathetic actions:

Give Specific Praise-“I noticed you gave Jake a hug after he fell down. That was such a kind, caring thing to do to help your friend feel better when he was hurt.”

Explain the Empathetic Thinking-“When you saw Lily drop and spill her snack, you thought about how disappointing that would feel. Sharing some of yours with her was an empathetic way to help her feel better in that situation.”

Link It to Values-“I’m proud of you for thinking of Grandma’s feelings when you made her that get well card. Showing compassion and caring about others’ emotions is really important.”

Ask Reflective Questions -“You looked sad when you saw Tommy crying at the playground. What did you think he might be feeling? Why did you decide to go over and pat his shoulder?”

Praising not only reinforces the specific empathetic act, but also encourages your child to continue considering others’ perspectives and emotions going forward. You’re making it clear that you value empathy highly.

Be careful not to over-praise to the point it seems inauthentic. But do make an effort to915912 acknowledging – with specific details – when your child demonstrates empathetic thinking or actions, big or small. This positive reinforcement will make the empathy habits stick.

Model Empathetic Behavior:

Here are some ways parents can model empathetic behavior for their children:

Narrate Your Own Empathy-When you see someone who seems to be having a tough time, voice your perspective out loud. “That man looks really frustrated standing in that long line. I wonder if he’s having a bad day – he seems pretty upset. I hope his day gets better.”

By verbalizing your empathy and consideration for others’ emotional experiences, you demonstrate the habit of mind your child can develop.

Show Empathy Toward Your Child-When your child is upset, sad, or struggling, make an effort to see it from their perspective first before responding. Get down on their level, make eye contact, and say something like “You seem really disappointed we can’t go to the park today. I know you were looking forward to that and it stinks when things don’t go how we want.”

Admit Mistakes -If you hurt your child’s feelings, apologize sincerely and explain your thought process. “I’m sorry I raised my voice at you before when you didn’t pick up your toys. I was frustrated about being late, but that doesn’t excuse not being patient and empathizing with how hard it can be to clean up sometimes.”

Within the Home:

Responding empathetically to your child’s emotions (understanding their cries express pain, comforting rather than dismissing)

Showing empathy between parents (“I see you’re tired, let me take over putting the baby to bed” or “Don’t feel obligated to come if it’s difficult for you”)

Admitting and apologizing when you, the parent, make a mistake that hurts feelings

Outside the Home:

Narrating your empathetic thoughts about others’ situations out loud (“That person seems frustrated standing in that long line”)

Offering comfort to friends/family going through tough times

Being considerate and aware of others’ needs in public (asking if someone needs help, giving up a seat, etc.)

When children witness empathy being practiced consistently, both towards them and towards others, they internalize that empathy is valued and normal behavior. It becomes their model for how to treat people.

A Kinder World Through Empathy

Empathy creates ripples of kindness that raise everyone up. A child who understands a classmate was bullied for worn clothes may become a friend. One who recognizes loneliness might offer extra hugs. Moved by a peer’s poverty, another might collect clothes and toys to donate.

When we nurture the empathy definition for kids from early ages, we equip them to change the world through compassion. So let’s keep helping our children understand others, practice empathy, and make our families, schools and communities a little kinder each day.